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Reservations by ~summerdies:iconsummerdies:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Old Poetry Structure > Emotional




I would have asked you to stay
Were it not for the silence
Crowding your words,
With so little
Love
And
Emotion
Fled in tears,
Rivers through years
Flooding hopes for tomorrow,
Drained in blue seas of sorrow.

You could have gone on your way
Were it not for the intensity
Of your gaurded heart,
So wanting to
Stay
And
Hide
Clouded with lies,
In fair-weather skies
And your sun burning cold
Through the dreams that you sold...

For just one more day
Of the same old
Situation.

We should have gone to the coast
I remember your desire
For the warm waves,
The ever sun
Healing
And
Fading
All of our pain
Every permanent stain
Washed in warm summer rain...

We should have boarded that plane.
©2002-2009 ~summerdies
:iconsummerdies:

Author's Comments

Self evident I think....hope.

Comments


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:iconjade:
~jade Apr 19, 2002, 3:30:15 PM
Wow. I really love the form/style of this piece. The words just roll so smoothly in a swaying rhythm. Can really feel the emotions coming through... Just wonderful!!!!
-----
The way to love is to realize that it may be lost. -- Gilbert K. Chesterton
:iconeluzion:
~eluzion Apr 19, 2002, 3:44:55 PM
the movement of this piece is exiquisite...so much said in so little time....
:iconjilian218:
~jilian218 Apr 19, 2002, 6:09:47 PM
i really like the style of this...was it meant to be like waves, in lui of the coast mention? very well done
~jillian~
:icondismarum:
`dismarum Apr 20, 2002, 8:41:29 AM
Oh I do live the format here...it fits your words and context nicely...makes it flow so very smoothly...


"Clouded with lies,
In fair-weather skies
And your sun burning cold
Through the dreams that you sold... "

I love that...each line gives such strong meaning and imagery to me...the use of nature (ie - cloud, weather, sun, etc...) gives a much more powerful impact to the reader...

I see an icy sun in this...


-Dismarum-
~I just want to be real...~
:iconnamaste:
`namaste Apr 20, 2002, 10:33:30 AM
I like the way your verses undulate here from longer thoughts to shorter, more intense rhythmic rhymes.

An aching and lovely poem.
:iconeuphoria:
°euphoria Apr 20, 2002, 1:12:18 PM
Wow. Welcome to my extremely short artistwatch.

When I say short, I mean there's about 8 people on it.

You are an amazing writer, and I need to go through every last piece of yours. =) (Smile)
-----
Verve: [link]
DeviantMAG: [link]
Flexiblereality: [link]
Come visit.
:iconbookdiva:
`bookdiva Apr 20, 2002, 2:39:22 PM
Excellent imagery and word painting here, truly lovely.
-----
We are all but a flicker
in the candle of time.
:iconjsenn:
°jsenn Apr 20, 2002, 7:12:20 PM
Excellent. It was as if you wanted to slow down, perhaps dwell on some aspect of love or memory but you couldn't cause if you did you would break down and bawl. So you dipped and swooped and tried to miss the difficult moments then it rhymed real fast getting past them and swooped into another. ebb and tide it was written like that and it felt like that.
-----
jHeart y
:iconspunj13:
`spunj13 Apr 22, 2002, 11:04:58 PM
hmm....a very well written poem, it seems full of regret and broken dreams, maybe lost love (can't sleep and interpretation isn't the easiest right now...).... anyways though...excellently written....

.:spunj13:.

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